


Avoiding the Issue

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Robert has a health scare, which he can't bring himself to face. Multi chapter fic,





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set somewhere in the (hopefully) not too distant future, where they’re happily married, moved into the mill and all talk of prison is over. Pretty much ignoring current storylines, and I think this is probably going to get rather dark in future chapters…

Robert felt sated and very near sleep as his breathing came back to normal. He never got bored with sex with Aaron, it was always new and thrilling, and he didn’t think he ever would lose the pleasure of it. Aaron’s fingertips started gently wandering over his hips and Robert sighed.

“God, you want another round?” Robert murmured, half smiling. “Don’t think I have it in me, you’re insatiable.”

“No, it’s not that,” Aaron said, his voice sounding serious. Robert opened his eyes, looking at Aaron’s face curiously.

“Ah, gently!” Robert gasped, overly sensitive as Aaron made to reach for him.

“Sorry,” Aaron muttered.

“What’s with you?” Robert said, shuffling away from him, now more awake than he had been just five minutes before.

“Don’t panic,” Aaron said. “I think I felt something.”

“After that, I really hope you felt something,” Robert countered, smirking at him. A smirk Aaron didn’t return. “What’s wrong?” Robert pushed. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like Aaron being moody and disconcerted after sex. Sex was what they had always been best at after all. Robert put a hand on his shoulder, making him look at him. But Robert couldn’t read his face.

“Aaron. Talk.”

“I felt a lump or something,” Aaron said, decidedly shifty. Robert looked at him, both of them frozen for a moment.

“You’re kidding right?” Robert said, though he couldn’t imagine why anyone would find this funny.

“Robert…” They fumbled in the bed sheets for a couple of minutes, hands skimming naked skin. And then Robert saw that Aaron wasn’t joking. It was a tiny bump, but it was most certainly there, on his left testicle.

“It’s fine,” Robert said, avoiding talking about it as he rolled over in the bed sheets, trying to pretend sleep.

“Robert aren’t you…”

“What exactly would you like me to do about it at one in the morning?” Robert snapped.

“Rob, there’s no need to tear my head off,” Aaron said bitterly. Robert sighed heavily, and let himself lean his head against Aaron’s chest in silence. Aaron wrapped an arm around him and Robert took the offered comfort.

* * *

 

Neither of them slept well which was hardly surprising. Over breakfast Robert was quieter than normal, which even a surly Liv picked up on. “What’s wound you up?” she asked over her cereal.

“Nothing,” Robert grunted. “School.”

“Maybe you can cheer him up,” Liv said to Aaron, picking up her school bag and fiddling with the end of her ponytail.

“Your bus isn’t for twenty minutes,” Aaron called after her, but Liv ignored him, wanting to get out of the atmosphere, clearly.

“Robert, are we going to talk about last night?”

“No,” Robert said forcing a smile. “Lets just forget it. It’s fine.”

“Really?” Aaron asked in disbelief. “That’s your grand solution is it? Forget about the problem by burying your head in the sand?”

“There isn’t a problem,” Robert snapped, his temper very short. Aaron looked at him, not letting him off the hook that easily and Robert sighed. “Can we please just forget about it?”

“No,” Aaron said calmly. Then thought he’d push it. “Are you going to make a doctors appointment?”

“No!!”

“Robert, come on…”

“I’m going to work,” he grumbled, picking up his leather jacket.

“You don’t have any meetings today,” Aaron called after him. After being left alone for a couple of minutes, Aaron collapsed onto the sofa and dug his phone out of his pocket. He had some googling to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Robert sat behind his desk staring into space. He knew perfectly well he was avoiding facing the facts, but that didn’t make it any easier. Plus being off with Aaron wasn’t helping him either, he needed Aaron by his side. He didn’t like fighting with Aaron. Sure, they had fiery arguments from time to time, they probably always would do, it was what made them them. But this was different, it was more serious than their usual arguments.

“Earth to Robert?!”

“Hm?” He looked up to see Adam watching him. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“God, are you and Aaron at it _again?”_ Adam said with a sigh. “He’s still not turned up.” Robert looked at his watch and saw Aaron was an hour late, which wasn’t like him. Unless he wasn’t turning up at all so…. Aaron was more upset than he was letting on. Robert sighed.

“We had a… small argument. It’s fine,” Robert said, wondering why he was so determined that everything should be fine. Because it was, it had to be.

“Get out.” Both Robert and Adam looked at Aaron, who’d come in dripping wet. It was clearly pouring with rain as he took his coat off.

“I’m not going out there,” Adam said. “Have you seen the weather? It’s a paperwork day.”

“Please,” Aaron said. “I just want to talk to him.”

“Er, I have got a name,” Robert said, annoyed.

“Fine, but you’re buying the drinks in tonight,” Adam said, grabbing his coat. Aaron didn’t even answer, just closed the door behind him.

“I don’t want to fight,” Aaron said the second they were alone. “I really don’t.”

“Good,” Robert said, because he didn’t either.

“But I think we need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Robert said. “I’m fine.”

“But you don’t actually know that,” Aaron said quietly. He dragged a chair so he could sit opposite Robert, the desk in between them. “You might be, it all might be okay. So... Why don’t you make an appointment?” Robert sighed. “Seriously, more than likely in a week you could forget all about it. Stop worrying.”

“And what if I can’t?” Robert said. “What if… it is something serious?”

Aaron took a moment, thinking about that. “If it is, then trying to forget about it isn’t going to make it go away.”

“Aaron, I can’t.”

“Why?” he asked, not letting it go.

“Because there is nothing wrong with me,” Robert said firmly. “I feel fine, I’m not ill. I’ve never been better actually.”

“But there is something there,” Aaron pushed. “You’ve got a lump, you’ve got to get it checked out.”

“No, I don’t, it’s tiny,” Robert said bluntly.

“Stop being so bloody stubborn!” Aaron shouted.

“I thought you didn’t want to fight,” Robert countered.

“Don’t you have any part of you that’d like to stop worrying?”

“I’m not worrying,” Robert said obstinately. “Because it’s nothing.”

“Okay, I’m going to be the git and say it,” Aaron started, making a forced effort. “If it is cancer...”

“Aaron…” Robert warned, but Aaron ignored him.

“If it is cancer, you’ll be okay,” Aaron said. “It’s not going to kill you.”

“Yeah, I hear that about cancer,” Robert said sarcastically. “Really gentle illness, that.”

“I’ve been looking up stuff,” Aaron said. “If you don’t ignore it, you’ve got something like 98 percent chance of recovering. Don’t be an idiot Robert.”

“What happens to the other two percent?” Robert said. “I’m happy the way I am, leave me alone.”

“Robert, please think about this,” Aaron said, almost desperately. “Don’t be so stupid.” Robert didn’t answer but squeezed Aaron’s hand resting on the desk anyway.

* * *

 

That night, Robert checked himself in the shower. The bump Aaron had spotted really was absolutely tiny, almost nothing. Surely that couldn’t be life altering? No, of course not. People’s bodies changed as they got older, that is all this is. He dried himself off, putting it to the back of his mind before going to the bedroom. He found Aaron in bed, flicking through his phone and curled up next to him, he hated it when they stopped talking.

“Don’t think you’re getting around me that way,” Aaron said as Robert buried his head in his shoulder, inhaling the scent of his skin “We’re not having sex to make up.”

“How about sex because we want to, and just put our fight on hold?” Robert suggested.

“Nope,” Aaron said, focusing on his phone. “No sex until you make a doctors appointment.”

Robert paused, in complete shock. “That’s blackmail,” he said bluntly.

“I like to think of it as an incentive,” Aaron said, smirking at him in a way that Robert knew he’d learnt from him.

“Oh, come off it!” Robert said. “You’ll never stick to it.”

“I like having you alive and on this planet,” Aaron said seriously. “Whatever it takes.”

“Aaron, it’s my choice,” Robert said, fighting to stay calm.

“Yeah, well I got to have a say the day you married me,” Aaron replied.

“This is bloody ridiculous,” Robert cursed under his breath, getting out of bed.

“Where’re you going?”

“To sleep on the sofa,” Robert said, grabbing a spare blanket from their wardrobe.

“What’ll you do if Liv sees you?” Aaron asked.

“Tell her her brother’s a stubborn git,” Robert said.

“Oh, I’m the stubborn one am I?” Aaron said under his breath.

 


	3. Chapter 3

It took another forty eight hours for Robert to realise Aaron was serious, and that he wasn’t going to cave on this ridiculous “no sex“ thing. They hadn’t spoken about it again, but it was obvious something was going on, as even Liv had picked up on the atmosphere. Though she didn’t ask, she didn’t want to be caught in the middle of an explosive fight between the pair of them. While restless in bed, Robert came up with a plan, to get Aaron off his back. He couldn’t stand the nagging when he was fine and healthy. Hopefully he could get it to work tomorrow, get Aaron to believe him.

Things were stilted between them still, but they were talking about practical things. Who’s picking Liv up from school, who’s doing the Hotten scrap run, how work was with Nicola, things like that. Robert didn’t like lying to Aaron, but this cold shoulder behaviour was worse in his opinion, so he carried on with his plan. He cried off work with Jimmy, making some excuse that Jimy probably wouldn't remember and drove to Leeds. Robert turned off his phone and sat in a café for a few hours, doing the books of the Haulage remotely. He was far enough away from the village that Aaron wouldn’t bump into him unless he’d followed Robert, which he felt fairly sure Aaron wouldn’t do. Or not for this anyway.

Predictably, when he got back to the village, Aaron wasn’t happy. “Where the hell have you been?” he half asked, half shouted as Robert walked into the house. “Your phone’s been off, and you’ve been gone hours. You could have collapsed, you could have…” Robert refrained from rolling his eyes with difficulty. He knew Aaron was worried and he couldn’t criticise him for that, for caring. He just hoped that he wouldn’t get caught out in his lies somewhere down the line.

“I needed to turn my phone off because I was in the hospital,” Robert said. “I’m fine,” he added to Aaron’s look.

“Robert you’ve said that so much it doesn’t mean anything any more,” Aaron said in irritation.

“I did what you said,” Robert lied. “I went to the doctors, got referred to the hospital for some extra tests and they had a cancellation. I just wanted to get it over with. I’ll have the results in about a week.”

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked after a beat of silence as he absorbed that information.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Didn’t much enjoy being poked and prodded all afternoon, but yeah. I'm fine, like I keep telling you.” Aaron rubbed his face hard, giving Robert a few seconds to compose his face, to keep up the lies he hated himself for telling in the first place. It must have been a sign of how worried Aaron had been that he was even getting away with it.

“Thank you,” Aaron said. “I know you didn’t want to, but it’s best in the long run. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Robert said with half a shrug. Before he could think any more, Aaron kissed him, deeply, passionately. The kind of kiss Robert felt he’d been starving from for days. The taste of Aaron, the almost instant pleasure going through him at having his husband like this again made Robert dizzy. It made the lie worth it, to him at least.

"I'd have come with you if you'd said..." Aaron breathed.

"I know," Robert said quickly, before returning to kissing his husband.

* * *

 

Over the next week, Robert felt guilty. He didn’t enjoy lying to Aaron, but he’d had enough of the nagging. He was healthy, and he wanted to stay that way, put this mess behind him. So what if he hadn’t actually gone and got tested, he knew in his heart that he was fine.   
Robert told Aaron that he’d had his “results” back while cooking dinner one night. Liv was out with Gabby, so they had the house to themselves.

“So there’s nothing wrong?”

“It’s benign,” Robert said. “It’s fine, I’m fine. Like I told you.”

Aaron sighed heavily. “Yeah, but aren’t you glad you know for sure?” he asked. “I was so worried. I was…”

“I know,” Robert said, trying to comfort him. Robert cradled his face gently and kissed him. At least his lies had done one thing, relieved Aaron’s mind. That could only be a good thing, right?”

“Are there any treatment options?” Aaron asked, pulling away from him with tears in his eyes.

“Well, yeah,” Robert said. “But I don’t fancy letting a surgeon with a knife near my balls if I don’t have to,” he joked. It worked, it made Aaron laugh weakly and roll his eyes. He kissed Robert lingeringly.

“Turn the oven off,” Aaron said, pulling on his belt towards the stairs, making it clear what he wanted. Robert didn’t need to be told twice.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Don't kill me!!) Thanks for making it this far!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done some research, and I'm fairly sure that the medical conditions I'm describing are accurate, but I apologise in advance if I've gotten anything drastically wrong!!

_Six months later._

“I really think you should go to the doctor.”

“I’m fine,” Robert said, almost like an instinctive reaction.

“Rob, you’ve had this back ache for weeks,” Vic said. “I don’t think it’d hurt. You groan every time you have to lift something.”

“Vic, I’m getting old,” Robert tried for a joke as they sat around her kitchen table. “We all get aches and pains, I’m sure you’ll find out in ten years time. I’m fine.” Vic rolled her eyes.

“Have you told Aaron how much pain you’re in?”

“What, and worry him?” Robert said. “You’ve no idea what he’s like when he’s worried and stressed.”

“He’s your husband, he’s allowed to worry about you,” Vic said. Robert ignored her.

* * *

 

When he got home that evening, Liv was sprawled out on the sofa, a lot of her rubbish spread out on the floor and the coffee table in front of her. A mixture of school books and CDs scattered around her laptop.

“Hey Rob, can you pick up that science book over there?” Liv asked. Robert narrowed his eyes at her. She’d picked a book that was on the floor, furthest from her.

“Has Victoria been talking to you?” he asked.

“About what?” Liv said innocently. “Your bad back old man?” she added with a chuckle. “You know what Aaron’s like,” she said more seriously. “I’m not going to get on at you, but Vic is really worried.”

“Vic needs to keep her nose out,” Robert said, getting Liv‘s science book and forcefully keeping in the groan he wanted to let out. His lower back was in quite a bit of pain, and it hadn’t gone away over the last few weeks, so maybe Vic was right.

It wasn’t until that night in bed with Aaron when he realised that maybe he should make a doctors appointment. They were being intimate and Aaron reached for him, the way he'd done a thousand times before. The contact shouldn’t have been painful, but it was, Robert covering up his own gasp, trying to make it seem like a groan of pleasure. Aaron was distracted enough that he could get away with it, but Robert knew he couldn’t live in denial any longer. He had a problem.

* * *

 

When Aaron woke up in the morning, Robert had already been awake for hours, having had a restless nights sleep. He’d looked up some things on his phone, knowing that he was at the point that his fear and his need to be in control needed to take the back seat right now. What had terrified him is when he read a mention, almost casually, that lower back pain could be a symptom of testicular cancer. Why? Why had he been so stupid? How could he have ignored it for this long? _Because it was something you weren’t ready to face_ , the rational part of him said. _Because you liked your life as it was, and you didn’t want anything to change_. It had taken them both so long to get to somewhere that they were happy and settled and good. Why did chance have to take it away from him? 

Though he had also read that only 4% of testicular lumps actually turned out to be cancer, so he’d probably be okay. This back ache could just be him doing too much, he had been doing some of the physical work at the scrap yard lately. But his worries had grown over the past few months and he was going to do something about it, he’d made that decision now.

“You okay?” Aaron asked, waking up.

“Mm,” Robert said, locking his phone and putting it on the bedside table. “Yeah.” Aaron rolled over towards Robert, almost gravitating towards him like usual.

“Hey, last night?” Aaron started. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s not you,” Robert said quickly. “My back’s been hurting a bit lately. It just twinged.”

“You never said.”

“Didn’t want to bother you, it’s just an ache,” Robert said. “And I really didn’t want the teasing from either you or Liv about being old and past it.” Aaron rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

“Still hurting? Want a massage?”

“That sounds great,” Robert said. They shifted in the bed, Robert lying on his stomach, Aaron straddling his thighs.

“Where?” Aaron asked. Robert reached back and dragged his fingers across his lower back, between his hips and around his tailbone. Aaron started rubbing his skin, making Robert moan instantly. “Too hard?”

“No, feels good,” Robert said. Then groaned again at Aaron’s touch. He felt so good against his sore skin that he just couldn’t help the sounds dropping from his mouth as Aaron kept going.

“You sound like you’re in heaven,” Aaron said.

“Mm hmm,” Robert agreed, closing his eyes in bliss.

“Is this better than sex for you?” Aaron teased.

“I wouldn’t say that, but oh God…” Robert tailed off as Aaron hit a particularly sensitive spot and Aaron laughed under his breath. They both turned towards the bedroom door by instinct as they heard clomping, meaning Liv was awake and Aaron sighed, getting off Robert.

“I’ll carry on tonight if you’re still in pain,” Aaron promised, and Robert smiled.

* * *

 

Robert was surprised and annoyed that he couldn’t get a doctors appointment for ten days. Apparently they were so busy, this was the first available appointment, which made Robert want to kick himself. Because he could have done something way before now. “And what’s the problem?” the receptionist said, leaving Robert to pause. He was barely able to admit it to himself, so he went for the safer option. “I’ve been suffering from really bad back ache for nearly a month now. Painkillers don’t help and it’s stopping me from working. It’s bad.” He could hear the receptionist clicking away on the computer and felt a little bit ashamed for not being honest. But at least he was doing something.

Time ticked away to his doctors appointment double quick time. He felt anxious, but it was worse because he was trying not to show it to Aaron. Which of course was doomed to fail, Aaron picking up on it. Robert told him he was trying to get his back sorted, which in spite of Aaron’s blissful massages still hurt.

When it eventually rolled around, Robert went to the doctors with trepidation. He knew he needed to be seen but that didn’t make it any easier.

“So, Mr Sugden, it says you’re suffering from back ache?” the doctor asked when he was finally ushered out of the waiting room.

“Well, yeah,” Robert said uncomfortably. “But that’s not really the main problem I’ve got. I’ve found a lump on my left testicle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finding this one difficult to write, so there might be bigger gaps between chapters, but I'll do my best to keep it regular. Thank you so much for the encouragement on this story so far!


	5. Chapter 5

Robert was unsurprisingly in a bad mood by the time he got home. The doctor had referred him to have more tests in hospital but he had to wait at least two weeks, even with the doctor putting an urgent flag on his medical file. Which Robert wasn’t too happy with. Urgent was never a good thing. The only thing that had actually come out was that the doctor “couldn’t rule cancer out” which was incredibly useful. Robert did realise that this was entirely his own fault, but now that he was ready to deal with the problem, that wasn’t particularly helpful.

He didn’t tell Aaron either, which meant his husband obviously picked up on his quietness. Though he didn’t ask outright. Two days before his hospital tests, he needed to talk to someone or he was going to explode. So he went to his sisters, ignoring the fact that she had a newborn baby she was concentrating on.

“Hey Rob,” she said, smiling and glowing, Isabelle in her arms.

“I need to talk to someone or I’m going to explode,” Robert said without any preliminary. “Are you alone?”

“Adams not home,” Vic said, walking through to the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”

“How is she?”

“Perfect,” Vic said with a warm grin, putting Isabelle down in her carry cot. “So what’s wrong?” she said. “What’s Aaron done this time?”

“It’s not him, its me,” Robert said quickly. “I lied to him a while back and… it’s coming back to haunt me.”

“Before you go any further, if you’ve slept with someone else…”

“No!” Robert said loudly, making Isabelle stir and Vic glare at him for disturbing the baby. “No of course I haven’t, how could you even think that?”

“You’ve got that guilty twitchy look,” Vic said. “What is it?”

“Okay,” Robert said. He quickly detailed what had happened, finding a lump, then lying to Aaron about having it checked out.

“You’re an idiot,” Vic said with her usual bluntness. “Why did you leave it so long?!”

“I wasn’t ready to deal with it,” Robert said honestly. “I couldn’t admit to myself, let alone anyone else that I might have a problem. And things were good with me and Aaron, I didn’t want anything to wreck that.”

“So you ignore the warning signs for cancer for six months,” Vic said sarcastically. “That makes sense!”

“Vic!”

“I get it might take some time to wrap your mind around it,” she said, more gently this time. “But six months? And god, why did you lie to Aaron?”

“He couldn’t think about anything else, he was so worried and it’s… I thought it was probably nothing, but…”

“Now you don’t,” Vic finished. “What did the doctor actually say?”

“Being referred for more tests,” Robert said with a shrug. “But he thinks it’s cancer, I know he does.”

“You can divine that can you?” Vic said sarcastically. “You need to tell Aaron.”

“I know,” Robert admitted.

“Not all lumps are cancer,” Vic said. “I had one in my breast a few months ago.”

“Oh?” Robert asked concerned. He’d not heard about this.

“Yeah, I got it checked and it was nothing. My milk had come in early for that little one. That’s all. I wasn’t sat at home worrying about it for six months.”

“Okay, I screwed up,” Robert said. “I know that now. How do I tell him that I lied to him?”

“Rob, he knows you,” Vic said. “He knows you screw up, but you need to tell him.”

“He’s going to be so hurt,” Robert said.

“You should have thought about that months ago,” Vic said.

Robert narrowed his eyes at her. “You know, for someone who’s just been told her brother might have cancer, you’re taking it remarkably calmly. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.”

“I think you’re panicking enough for the both of us,” she said with a sad smile. “Plus if a bullet didn’t finish you off, not to mention driving a car into a lake, I don’t think cancer’s got much of a shot, do you?” Robert appreciated her offhand comment more than he could ever say. It helped him, it really did.

“Vic?” Robert started. Then realised he couldn’t say the truth, he couldn’t tell his little sister how scared he was, how much he didn’t want to die. How much this as yet undiagnosed _whatever_ it was hanging over his head. The person who he could admit those things to was at home, and had no idea what was worrying Robert.

“Go home,” she said. “Send Liv round here if you want, she seems to like being with Izzy at the moment.”

“I know,” Robert said, smiling at the thought of Liv with the baby. She certainly had taken a shine to Isabelle. “I think I will, thanks.”

“No problem,” Vic said.  
“Don’t tell Adam about any of this,” Robert warned. “I know he’s your husband, but he’ll run straight to Aaron, and I need time to work out what exactly I’m going to say.”

“I’ll keep my mouth shut,” she said with a smile, but Robert could see it was forced. “But don’t wait too long, Aaron needs to know.”

“I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Good.” The only sign that Vic had been effected by what he’d said was when they hugged goodbye. They held on for much longer than usual, Vic not wanting to let him go. “You’ll be fine,” she told him. Robert had been telling himself the same lie for so long, he recognised it when he heard it from someone else.

* * *

 

“Are you cheating on me?” Robert had barely walked through the door, he still had his keys in his hand as he looked at Aaron in the kitchen. After leaving Vic's, he’d walked through the village, enjoying the fresh air, trying to run through his mind how this incredibly unpleasant and uncomfortable conversation with Aaron would go. That had not been the opening line he’d expected, especially as Liv was on the sofa, flicking through a dozen channels a minute.

“Liv, Vic and Izzy would love a visit,” Robert said pointedly.

“You’re not are you?” Liv asked Robert with wide eyes.

“No,” he said quietly. “I do think we need to talk though,” he added, looking at Aaron. Aaron had that stance that meant he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. All defensive and ready to lash out, at the same time almost withdrawing into himself. It was a look that was distinctly _Aaron,_ and Robert hated himself for putting Aaron back to this. It was how Aaron said his heart was breaking without so much as saying a word. Robert knew that by now.

“Liv, please,” Robert repeated. She huffed, but grabbed her stuff and left.

“Well?” Aaron asked once they were alone. “Are you?”

“How can you even think that?” Robert asked, hurt. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I do,” Aaron said. “Which makes me the idiot.” Robert sighed heavily. “Robert, I want to trust you, but it’s very difficult when you disappear for hours at a time and don’t tell me where you are. When I know you’re lying to me. You’re quiet, you’re not talking to me any more, plus you’ve barely been up for sex over the last few weeks too. Are you getting it from someone else?”

“Aaron, I am not sleeping with anyone else. I do not want anyone else. I didn’t marry you because I had nothing better to do that day. I married you because I want you for life.” _It just might be a bit shorter than I planned_ he thought without willing it. “I was with Vic this afternoon, then I… wandered through the village because I needed to think. It’s not exactly a tight alibi if you’re checking up on me, but that’s where I was.” Maybe Aaron could see the honesty in him, because he accepted that.

“Robert, I’m going mad here,” Aaron said. “You’ve been quiet for ages and it’s not like you. Please talk to me. It can’t be worse than everything I’m thinking.”

“Okay,” Robert said. “Sit down.” Robert followed his own advice, pulling out a chair in the kitchen. Aaron paused, but then did as Robert asked.

“I lied to you,” Robert said. “A few months ago.” He took a deep breath, staring at the wood grain of the table instead of his husbands face. He’d fought for the oak kitchen table for their new house for so long, and now he can’t remember why. “I never went to the doctor. I never got that lump checked out a while back.” Aaron’s silence is telling but Robert couldn’t look up. “I’m waiting for more tests, but… the doctor thinks it might be cancer.”


	6. Chapter 6

Actually saying the word cancer to Aaron made him more emotional than Robert had expected. Like saying that fatal word made it more real. Robert still looked at the table as he couldn’t look at Aaron’s face, to see the hurt, the fear, probably the anger at being lied to as well.

“Right,” Aaron said into the long silence. “What _exactly_ did the doctor tell you? And don’t you dare lie to me again, Robert.”

“He er… he said that he couldn’t rule out cancer,” Robert said slowly. “I’m being referred to Hotten general for more tests, to get an accurate diagnosis.”

“Okay…” Aaron said, drawing out the word for as long as he could, trying to absorb all the information he could. “When?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Robert said. “He also… er said that he thinks the back pain could possibly be linked. Another symptom, so he’s put me on the list that needs to be seen urgently.” Robert could feel his eyes welling with tears, and he couldn’t bear to fall apart right now, especially when he was the one in the wrong.

“Come here.” Before Robert could really comprehend what was happening, he found his head buried in Aaron’s hoodie, Aaron’s fingers threading through his hair and pulling him as close as it was possible to get. Robert couldn’t hold back any more, he started crying into Aaron’s body. He shouldn’t have been trying to deal with this on his own, how stupid was he?

“It’s all right,” Aaron soothed, his fingers comforting Robert’s scalp gently. “Let it out.” Robert couldn’t stop the tears, now that he’d started and Aaron just held him, letting him cry. “How long’ve you been bottling this up?”

“Er… since I lied to you,” Robert breathed in between sobs. “I don’t…”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said.

“I thought you’d be furious. I thought you’d yell and scream at me. Maybe even chuck me out for lying,” Robert admitted when the tears stopped, pulling back and wiping his face dry.

“Oh, believe me, you are not getting off the hook for this that easily, but I’m not going to shout at you right now,” Aaron said.

Robert’s lips twitched in a weak attempt at a smile. “I’m scared,” he admitted.

“I know,” Aaron said. “I am too. And angry and furious and I want to kill you for ignoring it for months, not to mention lying to me.”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I know I shouldn’t have lied. I wasn’t ready to face it, to admit that I could lose all this.”

“All what?” Aaron asked.

“This. You, us. Our life, I like our life as it is and I didn’t want things to change. And until my back started hurting, I really did feel healthy. I thought it was okay, I convinced myself it was all okay.”

“Is this why you haven’t been interested in sex lately?” Aaron asked, feeling like now they were finally talking, that he should be blunt.

Robert looked down into his hands, hating admitting any kind of weakness. “It’s started hurting a little.”

“How the hell couldn’t you tell me?” Aaron asked lowly. “How could you keep it to yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said.

“Okay, so… you don’t actually know it’s cancer,” Aaron said fairly. 

“I’ve left it so long,” Robert said, shaking his head at his own stupidity.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Which is why when you’re less upset, I’m going to get really angry with you.”

“Fine,” Robert said without arguing. It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it.

* * *

 

Aaron wasn’t even going to try and contemplate sleep tonight. He’d kept it together because Robert was so obviously emotional, and Robert rarely did emotional. Especially like that. Robert had taken some pain killers for his back, which had a side affect of drowsiness. Maybe that was the reason he was currently lying in their bed, sleeping like a baby. Or the outpouring of emotion he’d clearly been holding in for a long, long time had exhausted him.   
But right now, Aaron was angry. His husband could have cancer, and he hadn’t even felt the need to confide in him for half a year. And if it was the worst case scenario, and Robert had left it too long before trying to seek out treatment… if this was all he got of happily married life, Aaron would have liked to have known, to be able to appreciate the finite time he had with Robert. Don’t think like that, he told himself. You could have years with him, you _will_ have years with him. This’ll just be a… bump on the road. Let’s face it, you knew Robert would never be easy. And you knew he was a liar when you married him, you knew he couldn’t help himself. It was Robert’s method of self-preservation after all.

“You’re not asleep.” 

“Yeah,” Aaron said, still looking out the window. “You kind of dropped a bombshell on me. Funny thing that I can’t find sleep.”

“I’ll be okay,” Robert said.

“You weren’t saying that a few hours ago.”

“I've calmed down now. Testicular cancer is curable,” Robert said.

 _“If_ you catch it early. I can google, same as you.”

“Get into bed,” Robert urged. Aaron didn’t want to, because their bed was the one place that they refused to fight. Their bed was more likely to be a place they made up than anything else, though Aaron did sit on the edge of it. “I miss you.”

“You’ve had a long time to come to terms with this,” Aaron said. “I’m sorry if I’m not “fine” as soon as you’d like.”

“Aaron, just tell me you don’t hate me,” Robert said. “I couldn’t bear it.”

“Lets not get on to the subject of things people can’t bear,” Aaron said acidly.

“We should talk more,” Robert said.

“Stop,” Aaron said. “I won’t be pushed. Because if you do, I am going to shout, and I am going to say things that I don’t mean. So just don’t, all right Robert? I mean it.” They shifted in bed and ended up laying next to each other, Aaron under the duvet now.

“This is another reason I didn’t want to tell you,” Robert said. “I knew it would hurt you, and you’ve been hurt enough.”

“I’m hurt because you lied,” Aaron said. “You know every disgusting secret about me and my past,” Aaron said lowly. “And you couldn’t be honest with me about the present?”

“If it makes it any better, I wasn’t being honest with myself either,” Robert said. “I am sorry.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “Just… let’s try and sleep.” Robert kissed him gently and Aaron let him do it.

“I’m not planning on going anywhere, Aaron,” Robert said. “I had… a little bit of a meltdown earlier. I'm not giving up.”

“Good,” Aaron said. He kissed Robert again, this time deeper. He wouldn't be able to cope if anything happened to Robert. It would tear him apart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support for this story, I thought I'd be hated for it! An extra chapter today, as I probably won't be able to write tomorrow as I'm spending time with my cousins who are 9, 5 and 3, so that might be full on!! Anyway, that said, enjoy!

The next day was quiet, neither of them knowing exactly what to say any more, both of them absorbing the last twenty four hours, and how this changed things between them. Liv picked up on it, of course she did, bringing it up the morning of Robert‘s hospital appointment. “Are you still arguing?” she asked them.

“We’re not arguing,” Aaron said dully.

“Yeah, sounds like it,” she said sarcastically.

“We’ve had a fight, and we’re fine,” Aaron said.

“What kind of fight?” Liv asked.

“Oh. Robert’s a liar.” But Aaron’s voice was light and his eyes were sparkling, so Robert knew he didn’t mean it.

“School,” Robert said, feeling brighter than he had in quite a while. Liv grumbled but did as he asked.

“About my appointment today,” Robert started when it was just them. “I don’t want you there, I’d rather be alone.” Aaron just stared at him. “It’s not a shutting you out kind of thing,” Robert continued. “But I’m going to have so many tests done, and you there will only make me worry more. Plus I don’t find anything out today anyway, they’ll give me the results in a weeks time. It‘s not worth both of us missing a full day of work.”

Aaron considered this for a moment. “Okay.”

“As easy as that?” Robert asked in surprise.

“I’m going to be really annoying and call you about a hundred times,” Aaron warned. “But you’re right, I’ll probably get in the way. I mean, I would be there for you, of course I would. But if you don’t want me there…”

“It’s not that,” Robert said, taking his hand gently. “But I’m hardly going to be my most charming self and I’d rather brood alone.”

“Because your solo brooding has been going so well,” Aaron teased. “Okay, I won’t go. But I swear to God if you lie to me again…”

“I won’t,” Robert said. “I promise.”

“Good. I will throttle you with my bare hands otherwise.”

“Good to have the support of my loving husband,” Robert said sarcastically. Though he pulled Aaron into his arms and kissed him gently anyway. Or that was the intention. Aaron’s lips were warm, his body willing and it felt like a very long time since they’d shared more than the most perfunctory or reassuring of kisses. Robert deepened it, moaning into Aaron’s mouth, Aaron’s hands sliding under the back of Robert’s shirt, fingertips pressing into his skin ardently.

“I want you,” Aaron breathed, lacing his fingers through Robert‘s hair, keeping him close as Roberts lips tasted his neck deliciously. “Oh God.” Robert palmed Aaron through his jeans expertly, knowing exactly how Aaron liked it after all this time, then he reluctantly stopped as an alarm went off on his phone. A reminder for his hospital appointment.

“I have to go,” Robert breathed, not wanting to move an inch away from his husband. Aaron’s body pressed against him felt so exquisitely good, like he’d been starving of it lately.

“Then go,” Aaron said. “And call if you need anything. If you change your mind about me being there, if you… just call me.”

“I will,” Robert said. He kissed Aaron deeply in goodbye. “And we’ll finish this tonight,” he promised with a smirk, degrees of the usual smarmy confident Robert peeking their way through, reassuring Aaron.

“Go,” Aaron said, smiling at him, hoping Robert couldn’t see how forced it was.

* * *

  
That afternoon, Robert parked outside his home feeling completely drained. He hadn’t enjoyed that, but then he’d known he wouldn’t. He supposed no one actually got a thrill out of hospitals anyway. He’d had blood taken for tests, scans, examinations, and he was tired of being treated like a lab rat. He wanted to be home with his husband, forget about medical stuff for a few hours. But Aaron would probably be at work. So he found himself sat behind the steering wheel, staring at their house with no idea what to do next. Actually, he could do with a shower, stop smelling of the hospital. He did not like the fact that the last hands on him were doctors and medical professionals, he wanted the last touch on his skin to be Aaron. Always.

“How did it go?” Robert blinked himself awake to the car door opening and Aaron throwing himself into the passenger seat.

“Fine,” he said tiredly. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but clearly it had been a bad day.

“Anything more than that?” Aaron asked.

“Er… make me forget it all,” Robert tried with a small smile.

“Robert…”

“It went fine,” he said. “About as unpleasant as I’d expected, but…”

“Did they let you know what they thought?” Aaron pressed.

“No,” Robert said. “Expect a letter or a phone call within seven to ten working days,” he parroted. “But it’s done, it is or it isn’t. I’m no longer ignoring it.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “So… you want to forget a crap day?” Robert grinned, appreciating Aaron more than he could say. How could he have ever expected to do this without him?

“I love you,” Robert said, leaning across the car and kissing him. 

“I’m still not sure I’ve forgiven you for lying,” Aaron said.

“Trust me, I have ways to make it up to you.” Robert grinned and they left the car, going into the house quickly.

* * *

 

Robert threw a dressing gown on, still dripping from the shared shower with Aaron, a smile on his face. Aaron had always been brilliant at distracting him, and that had been exactly what he’d needed after today. To have someone touching him who loved him. Aaron had only got dressed because Liv could show up at any given moment, and he’d gone downstairs to get some food. They planned on going back to bed and carrying on where they’d left off for the rest of the day. Until his phone rang anyway.

“Hello?”

“Mr Sugden?”

“Yeah?”

“This is Doctor Archer. I’m wondering if you could come back to the hospital this afternoon. I have your test results in front of me.”

“And it has to be today, does it?” Robert asked, his heart sinking.

“Er… sooner would be good.”

“I’ll be there in…” Robert looked at the clock, worked out how long it would take to drive to the hospital and get dressed. “Forty five minutes.” Aaron came into the bedroom with two beers and frowned at Roberts face.

“What’s wrong?”

“The hospital want to see me again. Today. They’ve got my results.”

“Oh,” Aaron said. “That could be good?” he suggested.

“Aaron, they don’t call you to come into the hospital urgently if it’s good news, do they?” He sighed heavily. Aaron kissed him but that wasn’t enough. So Robert got up and started searching for his clothes. Apparently this day was not over.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied! Another chapter today. I just felt bad for leaving it on that cliff hanger! I have done a lot of medical research into this issue, but I have also taken one or two liberties, so please forgive me, and I hope it reads okay.

“I’m afraid it’s bad news. It is testicular cancer.” Usually Robert would have preferred this straight talking, but right now he could have done with something softening the blow. Cancer. He had cancer. Aaron’s hand reached for Robert’s, which had been resting on his thigh and squeezed. Robert didn’t say anything, just sat there in silence. “The reason I called you, is that it’s quite advanced. It’s stage three, which means it’s spread to your lymph nodes and your kidneys.” Robert let out a massive breath, hanging his head. He felt so ashamed that he’d left it so long. The fact this was advanced meant it was his fault.

“It’ll be okay,” Aaron said in the silence, but Robert couldn’t look at him.

“It might be bad, but you still have options,” the doctor continued. “However aggressively you want to treat it.”

Robert looked at Aaron for a moment seeing his eyes wet, even though Aaron wasn’t crying, before saying bluntly. “I want to live. Tell me what I have to do.”

“Right,” the doctor said. “If you’re looking for aggressive treatment, I recommend surgery, followed by chemotherapy.”

“What kind of surgery?” Robert said.

“We want to remove your left testicle, to get rid of the tumour. Then start your chemotherapy. But I am duty bound to give you the other option. If you do nothing, don’t seek any treatment you could have up to three good years. It’s not a fast moving cancer.”

“Three years, that’s not long enough,” Robert said instantly.

“Okay,” the doctor said. “I’ll book your surgery in then. Unless you want some time to get used to the idea?”

“Book me in, I’ll… get my head around it in my own time,” Robert said, at the same time noticing that Aaron was being shockingly silent.

“Be honest with me,” Robert said. “I know you can’t officially tell me what my chances are, but just… give me something to expect. Some frame of reference.”

The doctor looked at him and nodded. “Okay. Off the record, testicular cancer is one of the better ones to get, and looking at your scans, and your test results… if you prove to be responsive to the chemotherapy, you’ll probably feel really rough for a good few months, then hopefully go into remission. It’s all dependant on how your body reacts, but you’re not the worst case I’ve seen today.”

“Am I going to survive this?” Robert asked.

“I can’t say that for sure,” the doctor said.

“Give me a percentage then,” Robert pressed. “Just so I know what I’m dealing with. Come on.”

“I don’t like to gamble.”

“Let me know what odds I’ve got to beat.”

“Fatality, at your stage would probably be around 30%,” the doctor said, looking uncomfortable at being pinned down like this. He proffered Robert some paperwork. “I have some information about the upcoming surgery. I’ll try to get you in next week.”

“That soon?” Robert asked, surprised.

“I think the sooner would be better.”

* * *

 

They’re both silent until they’re sat in Aaron’s car, Aaron showing no sign of wanting to start driving.

“You can shout at me, you know,” Robert said. “I know you want to.”

“Mind reader now are you?” Aaron said coldly.

“Aaron, I know you’re furious with me,” Robert said. “I let it get this bad.”

“How do I shout at a man who has cancer?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Robert said. “We’re not starting off that way, I’m not being reduced to the label of “cancer patient.” I’m your husband, not just someone who’s sick. Shout at me when I deserve it.”

“Do you know what it would do to me to lose you?” Aaron asked, hating that he was starting with a guilt trip. But it was the one thing that kept running through his mind. That he wouldn’t be able to cope, that it would be one loss too many.

“Yes,” Robert said. "I do know.”

“How can you be so careless with your life?” Aaron carried on. “It’s not just you any more. We have a family, a life together.”

“You think I wanted this?” Robert asked. “To have strangers cutting me to pieces, to have poison pumped through my veins trying to kill the cancer? I didn’t ask for this!”

“You’re right, but I don’t know what to do,” Aaron said, the tears flowing freely now. “I just don’t know.”

“Aaron, look at me,” Robert said, putting both hands on his face. “I screwed up. But I am going to fight this. And I’m thinking I’m going to need you when I do.” It was only on that last sentence that his voice wobbled and Aaron felt incredibly guilty for making it about himself. It wasn’t about him, it was about Robert.

“Anything you need,” Aaron said, forgetting about his selfishness.

“I need to talk to Vic,” Robert said. “I can’t have her find out from someone else.”

“Okay, lets get you home,” Aaron said, starting the engine.

“Can we stop at that burger place on the way home?” Robert suggested. “I’m starving.”

“No,” Aaron said with a smile. “I hate that place, and just because you have… cancer, doesn’t mean you’re going to get your way all the time.” Robert heard the hesitation before that fatal word, but he ignored it. Aaron was trying to be light hearted, and he’d take what he could get.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a bit of an in between ish, filler chapter, but it is necessary to the plot. Thank you so so much for the encouragement on this story, it means so much to me!!

They sat in the car outside the pub. Aaron had text Vic and she and Adam were inside the Woolpack. “Are we keeping this to ourselves or…” Aaron started.

“I think I’ve kept it to myself long enough,” Robert said. “Vic will know, we’ll have to tell Liv. I’ll need to tell Nicola and Jimmy at some point so I can get some time off work. There is no keeping this secret.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “You go talk to Vic, and I’ll talk to my mum in the back.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Is it okay if I do?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “We’ll just… have to do Liv before word gets out around the village. I know you love Chas but she is a gossip.” Aaron didn’t argue that, it was true.

Robert walked in alone, Aaron having gone around the back using his old key and Robert saw Vic at the table in the corner. He didn’t even have to say anything, she just looked at him and she knew, getting up and wrapping Robert in a hug, Adam looking on confused.

“You’re going to be okay,” she said to him with false confidence. Robert tried to believe her.

* * *

 

“Liv, we need to talk to you,” Robert said when they got home, Liv at the kitchen table, typing away on her laptop and her phone at the same time.

“Robert…” Aaron started.

“Are you two getting divorced?” she asked, her eyes flicking between each of the men in the kitchen before going back to the technology.

“No,” Robert said calmly, sitting opposite her. “I’m not well.”

“Okay,” she said, not getting how serious it was.

“No, I mean… I’m seriously ill,” Robert said.

“So…” Liv started, now putting her phone down. “What is it?”

“I have cancer, Liv.”

“No you don’t,” she said simply, like the idea was completely ridiculous. “Don’t wind me up like this, it’s not funny.”

“I wish I was lying,” Robert said.

“But you’re young. Ish,” she added as a concession to her usual dig at him. “You’re not ill, you’re fine.”

“Believe me, I’ve been telling myself that for a long time,” Robert said. “I am ill, so I might be… less than my usual charming self in the next few weeks.”

“Is it bad?” she asked, eyes wide. “I mean… cancer is bad, I know that, but it’s not _bad_ bad, right?”

“I’m not going down without a fight,” Robert said. “But I don’t want to lie to you either. It could get bad.”

Liv’s eyes started darting around the room, the panic there. “What happens next?”

“I’m going to be booked in for surgery at some point. My doctors going to let me know, but he hopes it’ll be next week.”

“Surgery?” she said, fear filling her face. “So… this is bad?”

“Yeah,” Robert said.

“You’re not going to die, though,” she said. “Right?”

“It is a possibility,” Robert admitted reluctantly. “But we’re a long way off there at the moment. And I’m not going to leave you alone with him either,” he said, nodding at Aaron. “God, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Liv smiled weakly, then leaned into Robert and let him hug her.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the evening, Liv kept asking the odd question as they occurred to her, but the biggest sign that something was wrong was how quiet she’d become. And she didn't slam her bedroom door shut either, as had become her norm.

That night when they went to bed, Robert sobbed. He couldn’t help it, he’d been holding himself together all day, and when he was in bed, he couldn’t keep back the tears any more. Aaron stroked his hair, comforting him as he let it all out. Then Robert felt embarrassed for how much he’d been crying and tried to pull away from Aaron.

“No, don’t,” Aaron said. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be emotional. Or upset, whatever. I’m here.”

“You didn’t sign up for this,” Robert said uncomfortably.

“Are we forgetting the “in sickness and in health” part of our marriage vows?” Aaron asked, eyes sparkling.

“We wrote our own vows,” Robert reminded him.

“Well, the traditional ones didn’t leave any room for me promising to stay with you even when you’re a complete idiot,” Aaron countered. “Which I did promise. And I meant.” Robert laughed under his breath.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Aaron said, curling up with his husband.

* * *

 

Robert had no doubt that over the weekend bits and pieces about his prognosis would leak out and be spread throughout the village with little effort on his part. Liv knew, Vic and Adam knew, and most importantly, Chas as landlady of the village pub would make sure the news was broadcast. However, Robert didn’t expect to be woken at around six on Saturday morning to Diane screaming at him down the phone.

“Morning,” Robert said tiredly, collapsing back into his pillows as Aaron groaned into sleep, not having had much the previous night, always waking up to check on Robert.

“Is it true?”

“Probably,” Robert said. “Depends what “it” is.”

“Have you got cancer?”

“Yes,” Robert said heavily.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Diane said.

“There were a lot of people to tell,” Robert said in his defence. “I’m fine.”

“Robert…”

“Or I will be,” he edited. “I’ve got Aaron.” Aaron smiled warmly at him from the other side of the bed and Robert felt like maybe he’d be okay.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story doesn't end up being 100 chapters long and very repetitive, I'm going to skip some time in this and future chapters. Don't want it to get too samey and boring. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope you like this chapter!!

As it turned out, Robert had an appointment for surgery a week Monday. Which meant he had a full seven days to panic about it. And read up on every single horror story he could find online. Which hadn’t been the intention, but it seemed everything he read was about someone who’d suffered horrible side effects from the chemo which were almost worse than the cancer. He also did not enjoy the fact he was going to age about twenty years in the space of two months too. After the surgery to remove one of his testicles, (which he didn’t like to think about too much) he’d be on regular sessions of chemotherapy every two weeks. Which would make him want to throw up several times an hour apparently. Yep, all looking incredibly good. Oh, and a side effect of his operation, would likely be a lowering of his sex drive too. Perfect.

Robert was the kind of man who liked to know exactly what he was getting into. Which is how he read that one of the side effects of chemotherapy was that while he was undergoing treatment if they wanted sex, they were going to have to use condoms. Just another little thing which really wound him up. He didn’t want to be a cancer patient, he didn’t want that phrase to define what he was, but it seemed he had no choice in that.

Robert wasn’t sleeping well either. Half of it was worry, the other half was his body had started to be in pain, and even the prescribed painkillers weren’t doing much to help. When Aaron woke up one morning, turning to Robert hopefully, attaching his mouth to Robert’s neck, his hands wandering.

“Can’t do that any more,” Robert said coldly, as far from the mood for sex as he could possibly get.

“Mm?” Aaron said, not wanting to be distracted.

“Once I’m under chemo, we’ll have to use condoms again,” Robert said coldly. “The chemical’s and poisons that I’m going to be pumped with could apparently be damaging to you,” Robert said bitterly. “And that’s assuming you’re even going to want sex with me when I’m undergoing treatment. After all, my body’s going to be completely broken.”

Aaron paused, looking at Robert who clearly had his back up, waiting for the penny to drop.

“Roll over,” Aaron said in a tone of voice that didn’t take no for an answer.

“What?” Robert snapped.

“You’ve woken up in a bad mood. Worse than usual, which means your back’s hurting you even if you won’t admit it. Take your t shirt off and roll over.” Robert grumbled but did as he was asked.

Within sixty seconds of Aaron’s touch, Robert couldn’t stop the groaning. He had been in pain, but Aaron was so wonderfully good at this, massaging him exactly where he needed it most.

“Oh don’t stop,” Robert groaned.

“Are you going to stop being a moody git?”

“No promises,” Robert said, though he was smirking by now. He kept sighing at Aaron’s touch until they heard a door slam.

“If you two are going to have sex this early in the morning, the least you could do was close the door!” Liv shouted through their ajar bedroom door.

“Ah,” Robert said at her stomping. “You want to deal with her?”

“Why can’t you do it?” Aaron countered.

“I have cancer, I get a free ride on everything lately,” Robert said with a sweet smile. Aaron rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

Nicola’s eyes were almost popping out of her head when she saw Robert, who by about Wednesday was getting bored of sitting at home worrying about his prognosis.

“Oh!” she said from behind her desk. “I er… wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Because I have cancer?” Robert asked. “You’re half paralysed and you don’t let that stop you.”

“Charming as ever,” Nicola said. “In that case, there’s a pile of paperwork on your desk that needs doing. And don’t slack off.”

Robert smiled. He liked the normality, and he didn’t want special treatment, especially from Nicola, where it would only come off as fake anyway. He sat behind his desk and got to work.

* * *

 

The night before Robert’s operation, he became very clingy and affectionate. “I love you,” he whispered to Aaron, several times in bed, chasing elusive sleep.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Aaron reminded him.

“I know, but… just in case.”

“Robert, you painted our kitchen a grey I hate, I get to mock you for it for the next twenty years at least, so you’re not getting out of it that easily.” Robert let out a weak laugh.

“You like the grey.”

“No, I don’t,” Aaron said. “I liked how much you like it. That’s not the same thing.” Robert kissed him deeply.

“I love you for standing by me through this, even when I was so stupid.”

“Robert, stop trying to say goodbye to me,” Aaron said. “You are not dying. The only way you’ll die tomorrow is if you’re run over in the hospital car park.” It had the effect of making Robert laugh, which is what Aaron had been going for. “Try and sleep.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of Aaron's self harm scars in this chapter, but only briefly. Thank you again for the kudos and comments on this story. Means the world to me!!

 

Aaron sat in the waiting room, quite aptly, _waiting._ Robert had been way too bright and “fine” this morning before being wheeled off for his surgery, and Aaron worried about how he’d be when he came around. He wasn’t overly worried about the operation itself, Robert had been through worse and survived. Though obviously, there was some worry there, it was surgery after all.

“Snap out of it,” he told himself. Going over and over possible outcomes wasn’t helping. His phone rang and Aaron took the distraction. “Yeah?”

“Hi, can you come and pick me up from school?” Liv said quickly.

“No,” Aaron said bluntly. “Robert’s in theatre, you think I’m leaving the hospital?”

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry, I thought that’d be… done by now.” Aaron looked at the clock on the wall of the waiting room.

“It’s not even two o’clock,” Aaron said. “If you’re skipping, you could at least make it authentic.”

“Mrs Bowditch called in sick,” Liv said making Aaron roll his eyes. “Call the school if you don’t believe me.”

“Look, I’ll get Chas to come and get you,” Aaron said. “After double checking your story.”

“Aaron!”

“You’ve lied before,” he reminded her. Aaron called Chas and relayed the information quickly before a doctor approached him and he hung up.

“How is he?” Aaron asked, biting his bottom lip.

“The operation went very smoothly,” the doctor said. “No complications, and he should be waking up in the next couple of hours.”

“Good,” Aaron said, letting out the breath he’d been holding all day. “Can I see him?” The doctor nodded and led Aaron to a room. “But… this is just the beginning though, isn’t it?” Aaron asked as they walked.

“Yes,” the doctor replied. “But with a bit of luck, he won’t need more surgery. We hope to be able to kill the cancer with chemotherapy.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Aaron walked in, seeing Robert looking almost small, laid out on the bed, like he was sleeping. Aaron sat down next to him, thankfully alone with him for a few moments. Aaron took his hand, though the lack of reaction, the lack of feeling Robert’s fingers squeezing his back made Aaron feel cold.

“So this was the only way I can get a few words in, is it?” Aaron tried with a weak smile. “I’ll be here when you wake up. Which knowing you will be in your own sweet time. But I‘ll be here, I‘ll wait.”

* * *

 

“How’d it go?” Robert asked, as he returned to consciousness, though his eyes were closed he could still feel Aaron’s familiar hand in his.

“Sadly I think it takes more than a quick operation to get rid of you,” Aaron said easily. “Damn, I’ll have to think of something else.” The nurse looked scandalised, but Robert opened his eyes, smiling at his husband who‘s eyes were light.

“It went okay, then?” Robert asked.

“They’re going to do a biopsy or something then get back to us with the results,” Aaron said. “But they didn’t seem worried.”

“Spose that’s good,” Robert said tiredly, his eyes not fully open. “Thanks for being here.”

“Where else am I supposed to be?”

“Mm,” Robert said. His eyes briefly flicked to Aaron’s lips and Aaron took the silent invitation, kissing Robert gently. He still tasted like Robert, though he did smell of sterile hospital. “When can I go home?” he asked, both to Aaron and the nurse who was looking at a clipboard of information.

“Tomorrow, if all your checks are good,” the nurse said with a smile. 

“Aaron, I’m going to fall asleep again in a minute,” Robert warned. “Who knew lying down all day could be so exhausting?” he added, rolling his eyes.

“I love you,” Aaron said.

“Mm,” Robert said, closing his eyes. “You too.” Aaron smiled as Robert slipped into sleep again, glad he had at least woken up.

* * *

 

The next morning, Robert was kicked out of hospital pretty damn quickly. With a new prescription and a date for his first chemotherapy session next week and whispers that the nurses tried to cover up that they needed the hospital bed. Aaron wasn’t happy, but he couldn’t deny that having Robert at home would be better for him. The night before Aaron hadn’t slept well in their empty bed, once visiting hours were over. He’d been too worried about Robert being alone, which was stupid as he was an adult and it hadn’t been major surgery either.

Once Aaron parked at home, Robert looked at the walk to the front door unenthusiastically. “Do you want help?” Aaron asked quietly.

“No,” Robert said stubbornly, though he appreciated the way Aaron asked the question. Want, not _need_ help. “I think I’ll set up on the sofa though. I’m not making it upstairs yet.” Aaron nodded and got out of the car, unlocking the front door of their house. Every instinct in him was shouting to help Robert, but he resisted. Though he couldn’t bear to watch his slow steps either so he left the door ajar and went to put the kettle on, all the while listening for if Robert needed help.

He said nothing and about a minute later saw Robert collapsed on the sofa, breathing heavily. Aaron shut the door and put a cup of tea on the coffee table for Robert. “Can I…?” Aaron wanted to do something for him, anything, but he also didn’t want to be too stifling and irritating.

“I’m cold,” Robert said. “Can you get me some blankets or something?” Aaron smiled and did what he asked, covering him. Robert’s eyes were grateful, though Aaron felt fairly confident Robert wouldn’t be a patient patient for very long.

* * *

 

Two days later, Aaron was proved right. Robert had made it up the stairs to sleep at night, but otherwise he was grumpy, miserable and taking it out on anyone around him. It was when he almost brought Liv to tears, their usual friendly sniping having got nasty that Aaron had to say something.

“What is wrong with you?!” he snapped.

“Oh, what’s wrong?” Robert echoed. “In case no one mentioned it, I have cancer!”

“That doesn’t mean you can take it out on all of us!” Aaron shouted back. “It’s not Liv’s fault you didn’t go to the doctor months ago.”

“Oh, knew we’d get back to that eventually. All Robert’s fault.”

“I didn’t say that,” Aaron said. “I said you made the situation worse. And when you’re not feeling sorry for yourself, you agree with me!”

Robert glared at him, then all the fight in him seemed to just vanish. “I know,” he said. “I’m sorry. I’m tired, I’m in pain and I need a shower.”

“Then have one,” Aaron said simply. Robert looked embarrassed and the penny dropped. He needed someone to help him but he didn’t want to ask. “Come on,” Aaron said lowly. Robert followed him in silence.

When they were in the bathroom, Robert looked apprehensive and Aaron knew he was worried about being seen naked after the surgery. “Hey, come on,” Aaron said soothingly, a hand to the back of Robert’s neck. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Easy for you to say,” Robert muttered.

“Easy?” Aaron asked. “You’ve seen all of those scars across my body, and that wasn’t _easy._ To let you see me like that, how messed up I’d been. Especially when we got back together, and you knew why I did it.” Robert moved first and kissed Aaron very lightly.

“I love you,” Robert whispered.

“Get undressed,” Aaron said. “Never thought you’d be reluctant when I said that to you.”

Robert rolled his eyes, but did so as Aaron turned the shower on. This was new for him, never before had Robert felt so embarrassed and aware of his own body. It was slightly easier when Aaron took his own T shirt off, and Robert was reminded of the point. Aaron’s body wouldn’t be seen as perfect, but he turned Robert on, always. More than anyone else he’d ever been with. When they were both naked, Aaron pushed Robert into the shower before he could think too much about it. Robert needed to hold onto the wall, still very weak from his operation.

“I hate how useless I feel,” Robert admitted, only just able to be heard over the water of the shower as Aaron started washing him without comment.

“No different from normal,” Aaron quipped with a smile.

“Aren’t you going to look?” Robert asked almost shyly.

“No,” Aaron said, curving his free hand around Robert‘s face. “I’m looking at what matters.”

“When did you get so soft?” Robert asked.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Aaron said, smiling at him. Robert kissed him deeply, making Aaron groan.

“I don’t think sex’ll be an option for a while,” Robert said, recognising the sound of Aaron’s moaning. “Just look at me, get it over with.”

It didn’t look horrible, nothing like what Aaron would have imagined. It was just an absence of something, a little red and sore, but otherwise… fine. “It’s fine,” Aaron said.

“What else are you meant to say?” Robert said tiredly.

“Robert, it doesn’t matter,” Aaron said. “You knew this was coming.”

“Doesn’t make it easier,” Robert said. “I hate this. I can’t… it’s like I need to know you still want me, even though… God, I don’t know.” Aaron kissed him as passionately as he ever had, even though Robert still had one arm against the shower wall for support. 

“Oh?” Aaron asked, pleased as he felt Robert’s cock twitch with interest. Robert just kissed him again, gently this time. Aaron knew nothing was going to happen, but he felt good that he could still bring that reaction from Robert.

“I love you,” Aaron said honestly.

“Can you help me get to bed?” Robert asked, ignoring the fact it was still early evening. He was exhausted.

“Yeah. Course I can.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've not forgotten this one, I know it's been a while since I updated. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

  
Robert managed to recover from the surgery relatively well. He didn’t leave the house much, but that was more to do with his energy levels rather than anything else. Or so he said, Aaron wasn’t sure he believed him. The evening before his first chemotherapy session, Robert was tense. Aaron made the decision to try and get him out of the house, just to the Woolpack for some dinner. Robert wasn’t exactly keen, but he didn’t say no either.

When they walked into the pub, they didn’t get any more attention than they normally would, Chas smiling widely at Aaron. It had been a while since she’d seen him, what with most of Aaron’s free time being spent on Robert, not to mention keeping the business running and Liv. 

They ordered quickly, Robert picking a table that was right in the corner, so as to hide away. Aaron got their pints from Chas, and as he was turning away, she stopped him. “You might want to wait a minute,” she said. Aaron turned and saw that Diane had appeared, sitting next to Robert who was clenching his jaw. Aaron decided to take his mothers advice and stay at the bar. “How are you?” Chas asked him.

“Robert’s worried about tomorrow, I know he is,” Aaron started. “I don’t know how he’s going to cope with this.”

“I didn’t ask how he is,” Chas said. “I asked how you are.”

“I hate seeing him like this,” Aaron admitted. “He’s always been the strong one. It’s… am I really enough to get him through this? I know he’s about to go through hell, and there is nothing I can do for him.”

“I’m sure you’re helping,” Chas said.

“I don’t feel like it sometimes.” Aaron took a deep drink from his pint, unable to word exactly how helpless he was feeling lately.

* * *

 

“Is this a set up?” Robert asked annoyed as Diane sat next to him.

“What’re you talking about?” Diane asked with a frown.

“Aaron goes on and on at me to leave the house, when I do you immediately come over for a conversation.”

“I know you’re scared,” Diane said, choosing not to be offended at the tone Robert was using. “You'd be an idiot not to be, but don’t take it out on me. I do actually know what you’re going through, pet.”

“I know,” Robert said heavily. “I just… I don’t know how I should feel. Aaron’s trying, and I… I know I’d be worse right now if I didn’t have him, but… You’re right. I am scared. And I hate the fact that Aaron will have to look after me by around this time tomorrow.”

“He’s strong,” Diane said. “Don’t waste your time worrying about him, you need to focus on you. He’d tell you the same.”

“He does,” Robert admitted. “But… I don’t want him to feel like he’s married to someone who’s eighty. Or not for a good few decades anyway.”

“Robert, you’ll be okay,” Diane said, covering his hand and squeezing. “Chemotherapy is not the end of the world.”

“I know you’re meaning well, but that’s not helping,” Robert said bluntly. She smiled sadly at him, but didn’t say anything as Aaron brought their drinks over.

“Okay?” Aaron asked as Diane left.

“Let’s just eat.”

Robert was quiet all throughout their meal, and when they got home. So quiet that Aaron was starting to worry even more than what had become normality. When they were in bed, Aaron had had enough. “Robert, I need you to talk to me.”

“I’m not shutting you out,” Robert said quietly. “I just have no idea what to say.” Aaron turned to him and slipped his hands under Robert’s shirt suggestively.

“You want to?” Robert asked quietly.

“It’s been a while,” Aaron said. “I want you, and I miss you. If you feel up for it.” Robert nodded, he did want Aaron and it had been a while, since before his surgery. Sex wasn’t the major part of their relationship, not by a long way. But it was how they communicated, it always has been. They have angry sex, make up sex, passionate, I need you now kind of sex. Even the _please take care of me_ variety of sex. They can tell so much about the other man from how he’s behaving in bed. With that part of their relationship cut off, or certainly much less than before, they’re both struggling. 

The first time is quick and desperate, the second is slower and much more emotional. “It’s going to get so bad,” Robert said, voice catching.

“I know.”

* * *

 

After his hospital appointment to receive his first chemotherapy treatment, Robert couldn’t move off the sofa. Aaron had come with him, but neither spoke much during the treatment. Neither spoke much on the way home either, except for Robert to ask Aaron to stop the car every ten minutes or so because everything started spinning too much. When he was home, Robert collapsed onto the sofa, pale and exhausted.

Aaron had known what to expect, but it still shocked him to see his normally sarcastic and sharp husband reduced to a shivering nauseous wreck so quickly. He knew it was necessary, but that didn’t stop him from hating it. 

Robert kept groaning, each time he moved. The urge to vomit came in waves, and just the thought of food made him feel sick. Once she’d come home from school, Liv locked herself away in her room, obviously not wanting to get in the way. One look at Robert’s pale face was enough to warn her that now was not the time to be awkward.

“I didn’t think I’d feel this bad so quickly,” Robert admitted as Aaron’s fingers stroked soothingly through his hair. They’d both managed to fit on the sofa, Robert stretched out in a position that he was semi comfortable in, Aaron making do.

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” Robert moaned as another wave of nausea overwhelmed him.

“Robert, you’re my husband,” Aaron said softly, still soothing him with his touch. “I’m going to be here whatever.”

“Yeah but, I want you to think of me as gorgeous and sexy. Not lying on the sofa with a sick bucket because I don’t have the energy to make it to the bathroom in time.

“You’re having chemo,” Aaron said. “It’s okay to feel like crap.”

“I want you to want me,” Robert said. “I don’t want you to just… I don’t know, put up with being married to me.”

“Robert, I’m not going to leave you to face this alone,” Aaron said. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Aaron…”

“If it was the other way around, would you leave me?” Aaron asked.

“Depends on how much of a moody git you’d be,” Robert teased, a shadow of his usual smile on his face. Aaron smiled too.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! It means so much! This fic is slowly coming to an end now, not sure how much mileage it has left. Anyway, enjoy!

Robert spent the night on the sofa, he really didn’t feel he could face the stairs, and even if he could manage it, he didn’t want to risk failing and looking like even more of an idiot. He woke in pain, but to the comforting sensation of Aaron’s fingers running through his hair.

“Might lose that yet,” Robert said. “My hair,” he added to Aaron’s frown.

“Don’t think about that,” Aaron said.

“Can’t avoid it,” Robert said. “We both know it’s coming.”

“Well, your hairs got progressively shorter since you met me,” Aaron said, trying for casual. “It’s just one step on isn’t it? Better than that overgrown mess you used to have when you were with Chrissie.”

“Oh, like you didn’t enjoy pulling my hair when we were having sex right from the start,” Robert countered. It made both of them smile anyway.

“How did you sleep?” Aaron asked.

“Okay,” Robert said honestly. “I woke once feeling sick, but I did sleep.”

“Told you that was the better sofa,” Aaron said. “You wanted the posh uncomfortable one, but I knew you’d come around to my way of thinking.” Aaron kissed him good morning and Robert smiled.

“I love you,” Aaron said.

“Can you make me some toast?” Robert asked weakly.

“You want to eat?” Aaron asked. “That’s good.”

“Mm,” Robert said darkly. “Lets see if I manage it first.” Aaron got up from crouching in front of the sofa and started moving around the kitchen, switching the kettle on and putting the bread in the toaster. By the time the tea was made, Robert had walked over to the kitchen table, Aaron looking at him like he was about to keel over.

“I can walk,” Robert reminded him. “Just a bit fragile. And you are not taking another day off work for me.”

“Robert…”

“No,” he said. “I’ll probably be dozing in and out of sleep for most of the day anyway. Having you here won’t change anything.”

“Drowsiness is a side effect,” Aaron said.

“I read the leaflet, same as you,” Robert said, taking a bite of his toast that he no longer actually wanted. It tasted like old carpet but Aaron was looking at him with such hope that Robert forced it down anyway. Then took his medication, washing it down with a cup of tea.  
Robert looked at the clock and saw that Liv was pushing it close for school. In fact, they’d not seen her since the previous night, had she even eaten? “Liv knows cancers not contagious, right?” Robert said.

“Hm?” Aaron frowned, not following. Then he saw the clock and sighed, getting up and shouting for his sister up the stairs.

Liv appeared, already in her uniform and not meeting any of their eyes. “What’s wrong?” Robert asked.

“Nothing,” she grunted.

“Call the school,” Robert advised Aaron. “Say she’s taking a day off due to family issues.”

“No, I’m fine,” she said.

“You’re not though, are you?” Robert said. “You don’t talk to me any more, not really. You’ve barely looked in my direction in weeks, ever since I told you the diagnosis.”

“Liv?” Aaron asked, chipping in as she was looking at the ground tight lipped.

“Call the school,” Robert repeated to Aaron. “And go to work.”

“What?”

“Leave me alone with her,” Robert said.

“You’re not well,” Aaron started.

“And I’m not going to be well for some time. You can’t leave Adam with all the work either,” Robert said. “I’m too tired to argue with you, please just do it.”

“Fine,” Aaron said. “But I want you two getting along when I get back. And call me, Robert, please.”

“I will,” Robert said. “I mean it, I will,” he repeated at Aaron’s sceptical look.

“Fine.” Aaron kissed Robert goodbye and got his coat on, all the while Liv looked shifty until Aaron had gone.

“I can’t chase after you,” Robert said. “So sit down and talk to me.” Liv sat, but didn’t speak, instead fiddling with the end of her ponytail. “You’re not going to catch it from me,” Robert started, wondering what thoughts were going through her mind. Even if they were irrational ones. When he was a teenager he feared every candle or match was going to turn into a deadly pyre. It didn’t matter if it was irrational.

“No, I know that,” she said, still uncomfortable. “It’s… you’re really sick,” she said in a small voice.

“Yeah,” Robert said sadly. “I am. But I’m not any different, I'm still me, I just don’t have any energy to do anything. My body’s failing, but I’m still here, Liv. You don’t have to avoid me.”

“I don’t know what to say to you,” she said, looking at the table. “I want you to be normal and… God, it’ll kill Aaron if anything happened to you.”

“Glad to know you’re concerned for me,” Robert said sarcastically, which did make Liv look at him.

“You know what I mean,” she said with a scowl.

“Yeah, I do,” Robert said. “I can’t promise I’m going to be all right, but I am going to do my best. I don’t want to leave him either. Or you, actually. I’m not finished with life yet.” Liv looked like she might start crying. “Come here,” Robert said.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said.

“You’re not going to break me,” Robert said. “I want a hug. Please?” Liv caved in and hugged Robert, Robert stroking her hair gently. “Even if I’m not all right, I’m not going to die tomorrow,” Robert said. “I don’t want to waste time with you tiptoeing around me because you think I’m going to drop dead at any moment.”

“Okay,” Liv said, pulling back for him. “I’m sorry, I’m just scared.”

“I’m scared too.” The settled into a more comfortable quiet than before and Robert cleared his throat.

“I need your help with something,” Robert said. Liv looked wary, more like the Liv he was used to.

“You’re not going to ask me to do something gross are you?” she said anxiously. “I’ve seen that sick bucket hanging around and no thanks.” Robert rolled his eyes at her.

“I need help getting up the stairs,” Robert said. “I want a shower, which I can manage on my own,” he added at her look. “But I’m not sure I’ll get upstairs in the first place.”

“Why not ask Aaron?”

“Because he’ll be way too sympathetic if I fail,” Robert said. “You, I’d just use bribery to keep your mouth shut.”

Liv grinned widely. “Come on then.”

* * *

 

Liv paled again as they made it up the stairs, Robert having to take it slowly. She clearly felt awful when he made it to the top. “If you feel that bad for me, you can make me a cup of coffee and have it waiting for me when I get out of the shower,” Robert teased.

“Yeah right” Liv said sarcastically, more of her usual self. “You’re not an invalid, as you’ve just taken pains to tell me downstairs.”

“Go skive off then,” Robert said. Liv didn’t wait to be told twice, leaving Robert on his own. He managed a shower without too much pain, though it did take him longer than before.   
When he got to his bedroom, he felt exhausted, and almost collapsed into the sheets, knowing he was going to drift off into sleep in very short order. He curled up on Aaron’s side of the bed and breathed in his familiar scent, burying his head in Aaron‘s pillow. He had missed sleeping with him last night, and to breath in _Aaron_ felt good and relaxing. Then he could smell something else. Coffee. He opened his eyes and saw a fresh cup on the bedside table resting next to his phone, clearly Liv. Silently thanking her, he took a deep drink then sent Aaron a quick text, letting him know he was going to sleep and he was okay.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's a two chapter kind of day, who knew? Enjoy!

Aaron went upstairs and found Robert in bed, eyes closed. Trying to ignore the guilt he felt for leaving him alone for hours on end, he got on his knees by Robert's head.

“Have you slept all day?” Aaron asked softly, his fingertips caressing Robert’s face gently.

“Been dozing,” Robert admitted. “If you can’t laze the day away when you’re on chemotherapy, when can you?” Aaron smiled.

“You and Liv?”

“I think we’re okay,” Robert said. “She’s just scared.”

“So am I,” Aaron said quietly.

“You’re doing so well though,” Robert said. “I don’t know how you’re being this strong. If it was the other way around, I‘d fall apart.”

“I’ve got too much to lose,” Aaron said. “If I fall apart, like I want to do, who’s going to be here to pick up the pieces?” Aaron kissed him very gently. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” Robert said. “But I know I should eat.”

“Come downstairs,” Aaron said quietly. Robert didn’t argue.

* * *

 

They settled into a routine. After the first time, the chemotherapy sessions didn’t hit Robert quite so hard, he still felt ill but he knew what to expect. On Wednesday he’d get his treatment at the hospital, come home and feel like he wanted to die. He slept away most of Thursday, and over the weekend he slowly started to recover, taking the next week to catch up on work. By the time two weeks had passed, he felt almost normal, just in time for his next appointment, the next batch of chemicals being flushed through his system. Aaron was there for him through all of it. He didn’t shy away, and his constant presence, his gentle touches when Robert felt so exposed and weak were such a wonderful help to him. It was almost like Aaron instinctively knew when to leave Robert alone, and when to be around him constantly. If they both lived another fifty years, Robert would never be able to express how grateful he was.

After about two weeks, Robert started losing his hair. Not much, but enough. He didn’t shave it off, instead postponing it until it became too much. Which it didn’t. He could just about get away with it, the only person who got close enough to see the small bald patches was Aaron. And Robert didn’t mind that so much, Aaron seeing him vulnerable.

One Wednesday Aaron couldn’t come with him to his chemotherapy appointment. Aaron was furious, because Adam had booked him in for a long scrap run. “You can’t turn it down,” Robert told Aaron. “We need the money, I’m only able to do enough to break even at the Haulage firm.”

“But I want to be there for your chemo,” Aaron said. “Adam could have booked it for any other day, but no, had to be tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine,” Robert said, feeling fairly confident. He knew the routine by now.

“Well you can’t drive yourself,” Aaron said. Robert would have dearly loved to argue, but he always felt so wrecked after his treatment that he couldn’t.

“Someone else’ll do it,” Robert said. “Diane.”

“She’s in Gibraltar for a few days,” Aaron said. Oh. Robert had forgot that, but Aaron was right.

“What about your mum?” Robert tentatively suggested. “I mean, I know I’m not her favourite person, but she’d be doing you a favour and…”

“I’ll ask,” Aaron said, already picking up his phone. Though from the expression on his face during the conversation, it wasn’t good news. “She can’t,” Aaron said, hanging up. “She’s single handed in the pub, I can’t ask her to lose an afternoons takings.”

“Well…” Robert started. “What about Rebecca? I’ve done her a lot of favours in the past, she owes me. Business favours,” he added at Aaron’s pointed look.

“I’m not going to have a problem with it,” Aaron said, correctly reading the hesitancy. “But I also think it might be better coming from you, rather than me asking.” Robert nodded and called her. It was a yes pretty quickly.

“There. Lift sorted for tomorrow, so you can do your scrap run and keep us paying the electricity bill,” Robert said.

“Promise you’ll call me,” Aaron said. “Just so I know.”

“I will,” Robert said, sealing the statement with a kiss.

* * *

 

Rebecca beeped car horn from outside, telling Robert she was there, and Robert obligingly got into her car.

“All right?” she said brightly.

“Wonderful,” Robert said in a dull voice. “I love being hooked up to an IV for a couple of hours.”

“I’m doing you a favour here,” Rebecca said as she started driving. “No need to bite my head off.”

“I’m not an idiot,” Robert said. “There’s a huge shopping centre almost next door to the hospital.”

“That might have had something to do with it,” Rebecca said with a smile, which made Robert smile too. “How are you?”

“Okay,” Robert said, more seriously this time. “But I’ll be bad on the way back, just warning you. My less charming side.”

“Didn’t know you had a charming side in the first place,” Rebecca said.

“Oh, that’s not quite how I remember it,” Robert teased, making her laugh. “Anyway, my entire life is now about this disease that’s eating me up from the inside out. Let’s talk about something else instead, how’s everything with you?”

* * *

 

Rebecca had done a quick spot of shopping, and spent the rest of Robert’s appointment sitting in her car, flicking through a stack of glossy magazines to distract herself. She liked Robert, considered him a friend but she hadn’t wanted to intrude or get in the way. He was clearly going through it right now, and she hadn’t wanted to mention it, but he’d lost weight too. He was definitely a lot thinner than he used to be, and not in a good way either. He opened the car door and collapsed into the passenger seat in silence.

“God, you look terrible,” Rebecca said honestly. He looked worse than she’d thought he would before hand.

“You’re clearly flattering me,” Robert said tiredly. He got his phone out of his pocket. “I’ve got to call Aaron, he’ll be worried.” Rebecca nodded as he dialled.

“Hey,” Robert said.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked instantly.

“Mm,” Robert said. “Better than last time anyway, think I’m getting used to this.”

“Did they tell you anything? Like when the ends in sight?” Aaron asked.

“Are you driving?” Robert asked.

“Oh God,” Aaron said. “I knew taking this scrap run was a mistake, I should be there with you.”

“Calm down,” Robert said. “Look, they’re going to give me more scans next week. See how the chemo’s working.”

“That’s all?”

“Right, stay calm,” Robert said. “There’s a possibility that they’ll want to do more surgery. My right kidney might be gone.”  
“Robert…”  
“I’m fine, it's only an option,” Robert said. “And I’m too tired to argue with you, but I promise I’m fine. Or as fine as I ever am after chemo anyway.”

“Robert, your kidney?” Aaron asked quietly. “That’s serious surgery.”

“It’s a possibility and I didn’t want to lie to you.”

“That’s progress then,” Aaron said and Robert laughed weakly.

“I’m not giving up, no matter what those tests say,” Robert said. There was silence on the line. “I’m going to hang up and go home.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “I’ll be there soon.”

“Good.”

“Love you,” Aaron said.

“Love you too,” Robert said hanging up. He looked at Rebecca for a moment, seemingly speechless. “You have to drive through the lanes, up by Brocket farm.”

“That’s an extra six miles,” Rebecca said as she started the car.  
“Yeah, but it’s got a lot more laybys on it,” Robert said. “You’ll probably have to pull over every ten minutes or so. Because otherwise I may throw up in your lovely car.”

“Couldn’t have warned me of that before I agreed to this favour?” Rebecca asked with a fake smile.

* * *

 

Aaron opened the door to his house and felt the tension in him ease as he saw Robert stretched out on the sofa, eyes closed, a blanket over him. Even though he’d been undergoing chemotherapy, Aaron had to wake him up. “Hey,” Aaron said gently, kneeling on the floor and caressing Robert’s face gently.

“Hi,” Robert said. “You’re home?”

“Seems that way,” Aaron said, then kissed him, seeing that Robert seemed okay ish. “How was it?”

“Fine.”

“So, kidneys?”

“Can we have that discussion later?” Robert asked, heavy eyed. “I’m tired.”

“Course,” Aaron said warmly.

“Information’s in my coat pocket,” Robert slurred before going back to sleep. Aaron straightened up and then stopped, seeing Rebecca in the kitchen.

“He seemed really ill, I didn’t want to leave him alone,” Rebecca said. “Sorry, I’ll go.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said sincerely. “I didn’t want him to be alone either.”

“Is it always this bad?” Rebecca asked.

“This seems to be a good one,” Aaron said, glancing at his husband. “He’s actually sleeping, not moaning in pain. And a question I hate to ask, but has he thrown up since he‘s been home?” Rebecca shook her head. “Yeah, this is a good one.” Aaron said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Rebecca said. “How are you coping with it all?”

“Sometimes I think I’m not,” Aaron said. “One day at a time. Thank you, for today. I think he needs a friend.”

“He doesn’t _need_ a friend,” Rebecca said quietly. “He’s got you.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping ahead in time here, hope no one minds!

Robert moved around the kitchen, almost hyper with energy as he made breakfast, anxious about today. “Robert, it’s going to be fine,” Aaron said, as Liv watched him with almost fascination. He never had energy these days, and certainly not on a day he was going to the hospital. Even though the tests for his kidneys had come back negative, meaning he'd won the cancer lottery and got to keep both his kidneys. Wonderful.

“Is it all going to be fine?” Robert asked.

“More toast please,” Liv said innocently, taking advantage of Robert’s nervous energy. Robert put the bread in the toaster and looked as Aaron put his hands on Robert’s hips, keeping him still.

“If the results were bad, they’d have called you,” Aaron said. “The way they did the first time.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re not bad results,” Robert said fairly. “Just not overly life threatening.” Robert sighed heavily. “They have to be good. They _have_ to be good, because I’m just… tired of it. Fighting and feeling ill all day and…”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said. “Whatever the results are, we can cope with it together. Okay?”

“I know, but… I need them to be good. I need a break from all this fighting, Aaron, it’s exhausting.”

“I know. Trust me, I know,” Aaron said, kissing him softly. Liv didn’t even make a face, or a snide comment which is how they knew today was so important.

“You’ll text me with the results, right?” Liv asked, chewing her bottom lip.

“No,” Aaron said at the same time Robert said “yes.”

“We can’t put _that_ in a text message,” Aaron countered.

“We can’t cut her out either,” Robert said. “This is our family, I’m not stopping her from knowing. I’ll text you,” he added to Liv.

“Thanks,” she said. They all looked to the window as the familiar roar of the school bus approached. Liv quickly grabbed her bag and raced out of the door without so much as a goodbye. Robert stood facing the toaster, feeling a little bit more tense now the buffer of Liv had gone.

“Even if they’re bad, you’ll be okay,” Aaron said once they were alone, putting his hands back on Robert‘s hips. “Your doctor said you were responding well to the chemotherapy. It won’t be devastating, we know that much.”

“Mm,” Robert said, arching into Aaron’s body suggestively, still facing the counter.

“Now?”

“The appointments not for an hour,” Robert breathed. “But if you don’t want to….”

“I didn’t say that,” Aaron said, letting his hand wander, fondling Robert through his jeans, making him sigh. “But you’re only looking for a distraction.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, turning to face him. “I am, and that’s something we’re really good at.” Aaron could hardly argue with that.

* * *

 

Once they were parked, Aaron looked at Robert in the silence. Robert had driven, as he wasn’t actually getting any chemotherapy this time, and he didn’t really drive much these days. “Are…”

“Don’t ask if I’m okay,” Robert said. “I want to be done with it, I want it to be over. I don’t want to have my body sliced open again. I don’t know how I’ll cope with it.”

“You’ll cope with it because you have to,” Aaron said, making Robert scoff. “Seriously, if it is bad, you’ll just have to.” Robert sighed, but didn’t say anything because he was right. He had no other option and he didn’t want to let the cancer beat him. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Robert nodded and they went into the hospital. The waiting room was tense, and Aaron ignored the fact that he didn’t do public displays of affection and grabbed Robert’s hand tightly. Robert let him in the silence, squeezing every so often for reassurance, and ignoring the glaring they were getting from one elderly woman across the room. They weren’t doing anything wrong.

“Robert Sugden?” Robert forced a smile as they went through to the doctors office, Aaron sitting down next to him. The doctor got the file out and started reading the details.

“I won’t keep you in suspense for too long,” the doctor said. “I’ll go through the results in detail in your paperwork, but your margins are good, your cancer markers are low, much lower than we could have reasonably hoped for.”

“Am I in remission?” Robert asked bluntly, wanting a straight answer.

“Yes,” the doctor said. “There is a chance of re-occurrence so you do need to keep coming back for check ups, but it’s looking really positive.”

Robert collapsed into Aaron’s shoulder, feeling too relieved to even get near happy yet. He could stop chemotherapy. He didn’t have to have his life on hold for weeks on end. It could be over. Aaron stroked his hair, holding him close and Robert could almost feel the broad grin on Aaron’s face against the top of his head.

“I want you to have a check up in two months time,” the doctor said. “And I mean it,” he added sternly. “No ignoring it for months hoping it’ll go away.”

“Yeah, I think I learnt that lesson,” Robert said, pulling back from Aaron, though he couldn’t stop the joy from breaking free on his face. “Really?”

“Yes, go home,” the doctor said. “Book a check up and I’ll see you in a couple of months time.” The doctor didn’t have to tell them twice, both of them leaving happily. When they were in the car, Robert got his phone out.

“You texting Liv?” Aaron asked, almost buoyant.

“No,” Robert said. “I’m calling her.”

“She’ll get in trouble for having her phone on in class,” Aaron said.

“Her brother’s got cancer, we can sweet talk the teachers,” Robert said, putting the phone to his ear.

 _“Had_ cancer,” Aaron corrected him, making Robert smile broadly.

“What?” Liv hissed as she answered, clearly not meant to be talking on the phone.

“You’re stuck with me for a bit longer,” Robert said. The tone of his voice made it clear exactly what he meant and Liv squealed loudly. There was a fuzz on the line and the phone disconnected.

“I’m guessing we need to go and talk to her teacher,” Robert said. “Get her phone back.” Aaron grinned.

“You driving then or what?”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last chapter here! Thank you all so much!

It took about ten minutes waiting at the school in a private room for Liv to be found. They’d explained the situation, and Liv’s potential detentions for having her phone on in class seemed to have vanished. “it’s true?” she asked eyes wide, almost afraid to be hopeful.

“Got to go for a check up in a couple of months,” Robert said. “But no more chemo, no more vomiting, no more cancer.” Liv threw herself into Robert’s arms, Robert grinning and holding her tightly, stroking her hair.

“No more hogging the sofa then,” she said. “You’ve been immovable for weeks.”

“Ill, Liv,” Robert reminded her. “Want to go home and celebrate?” he asked, pulling back from her.

“I still have school,” she reminded him.

“Forget about it,” Robert said. “They’ll let you out, I know they will.”

“Then what’re we waiting for?” Liv asked with a broad smile.

* * *

 

“A bottle of champagne, three glasses and a blind eye please Chas,” Robert said confidently. She looked between the three of them hesitantly.

“Good news?” she asked.

“The best news,” Aaron said, having only eyes for Robert. Almost glowing at him.

“I’m in remission,” Robert told her. “So we are celebrating.”

“That’s great news,” Chas said to Robert, sincerely. “I’m really pleased for you.” Liv looked hopeful as Chas brought the bottle of champagne over from the fridge. “But I’m not serving her.”

“It’s a special occasion!” Liv said loudly.

“I’ll lose my licence,” Chas replied.

“There’s no one here,” Aaron said. There was one pensioner on a table in the corner, snoring away, but otherwise Aaron was right.

“Chas, you’re giving her a glass,” Robert said darkly. “Not technically serving her.”

“I don’t think others would agree,” Chas said, though she gave Liv a glass anyway. “I’ll deny that if any other customers come in, okay?”

“Thanks Chas,” Liv said, smiling at her. Chas came around the bar and much to all of their surprise, she gave Robert a hug.

“Congratulations Rob.”

“Thanks,” Robert said. “Vic in the kitchen?”

“I’ll send her out,” Chas said with a wink, going in the back. Robert and Aaron took up a table in the corner, Robert pouring the champagne.

“One glass,” he told her and Liv didn’t argue.

“Rob?” Vic said, bursting through from the back, a worried look on her face. “Are you all right?”

“I am perfect,” Robert said, holding up his champagne glass in illustration.

“It’s good news?” she asked faintly. “Oh, God, that’s so great!” She threw herself onto Robert and he laughed into her hair. 

“You’ve got to put up with me for some time yet. I can’t leave my little niece without an uncle, can I?” She smiled, then burst into unexplainable tears. Robert soothed her, stroking her back gently. He more than understood.

* * *

 

The day wore on, and more and more people slowly filled the pub as the news got out. It was turning into quite a good party. Robert was way too happy to notice much of anything, though he was pleased that Aaron barely left his side.

“...m tired,” Robert said eventually. Aaron wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Robert leaned his head on Aaron’s chest. It was much closer than they usually were in public, but Aaron didn’t care. He never wanted to let Robert go right now. He’d come far too close to losing him. “You alright?” Robert asked, sensing the tension in him.

“I want to go first,” Aaron said. “I can’t come this close to losing you again.”

“Okay,” Robert said with a smile. “You can go first. Though I’m older, hardly seems fair.”

“Don’t care about fair,” Aaron said. “I’ve really struggled, and I’ve been trying to hide it from you and…” Aaron sighed. Robert pulled back and looked at Aaron.

“I’m so sorry,” Robert said. “I’ll never willingly put you through that again. And I won’t wait six months next time.”

“I haven’t made you pay for that yet,” Aaron reminded him. “Been too focused on getting you well, but you still owe me for lying.”

“Guess I do,” Robert said. “What’ve you got in mind?”

“Oh, several things,” Aaron said suggestively.

“You have a filthy mind,” Robert said, grinning at him.

“And you love it,” Aaron countered.

“I love _you_ ,” Robert said softly.

“I love you too,” Aaron said. “So much.” He kissed Robert gently. “Home?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “I’d like to have you on your own.”

“Now who’s got the filthy mind?” Robert said and they both laughed.


End file.
